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Terms For Masturbation
A little five on one
Abuse the fuse
Adjust your set
Anger the cobra
Anger the pickle
Answer the bone-a-phone
Appease the cheese
Arm-wrestle the one eyed champ
Asexual reproduction
Autofellatio
Auto-manipulation
Ax the timber
Badger the witness
Bag that ass up
Bait the mast
Bake cream cakes
Bake the cheese
Banana squeezing
Bang yourself
Bank off shoot goo
Bash the bishop
Baste the turkey
Battle the Cyclops
Be a loner
Beat it
Beat off
Beat Pedro
Beat the banger
Beat the beef
Beat the bishop
Beat the bologna
Beat the hog
Beat the meat
Beat the monkey
Beat the morning wood (like every good boy should)
Beat the one eye snake
Beat the one eyed monster
Beat the rat
Beat the red-headed cock-eyed woodpecker
Beat the shit
Beat the stepchild
Beat the stick
Beat the weasel
Beat up shorty
Beat your cock
Beat your gorilla
Beat your pud
Beat your skin
Beatin' the baby batter
Beef the jerky
Beef-strokin'-off
Ben your Franklin
Bend the banana
Bitch-slapping your stomper
Blind the one eyed monster
Blow a wad
Blow the ceiling
Blow up
Blow wad
Blow your load
Blow your nose
Boff up
Bollock milking
Bop the boa
Bop the bologna
Bounce Tigger
Bounce your balls
Box Oscar
Box the clown
Box the Jesuit
Bringin' ya milk
Buff the bullet
Buff the pickle
Burp the baby
Burp the frog
Burp the worm
Bust a Nut
Busting the left nut instead of the right one
Butter the corn
Call the captain
Caress your zesty zambonie
Chafe the squirtgun
Charm the python
Charm the snake
Checkin' the Ol' Dipstick
Cheesin
Choke
Choke the bishop
Choke the chicken
Choke the Choir Boy
Choke the chubby
Choke the monkey
Choke the one eyed snake
Choke the Pope
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse
Choke the unemployed
Chunking
Churn butter
Churn seed
Circle jerk
Clean the clock
Clean the pipes
Clear the snorkel
Club the cucumber
Cock blockin
Cock pulling
Cock smack
Cock snot
Come to daddy
Corralling the tadpoles
Crank it
Crank one out
Crank the cable
Crank the crane
Crank the gear
Crank the one-eyed yogurt thrower
Cream the cake
Croke the frog
Crown the bishop
Cruzin' then Oozin'
Cuff the carrot
Cuff the carrot
Cuff the monkey
Cum and go
Cum on self
Cum on your tum
Cum-lets-play
Curl the honey
Daily duties
Dancing around the maypole
Dancing with Mother Knuckle and her five daughters
Dancing with the one eye sailor
Dangle the Donkey
Date Palmela Handerson
Date Paula and her 4 sisters
Date Rosie Palmer and her five sisters
Date with Rosie bone and her five sisters
Deal cards
Deload the gun
Despunk
Destroying the slots machine
Diddle your bob
Do a load by hand.
Do Mary Palm and her 5 sisters
Do shoupa shoupa
Do the dishes
Do the janitor thing
Do the Johnson and ball dance
Do yourself
Dog off
Doing the Palm sisters
Dong around
Donkey punch
Double Clicking The mouse
Dr. Spankenstein Time
Drain the dragon
Drain the lizard
Drain the pipes
Drain the snake
Drain the vein
Drill for oil
Drop a load before work.
Drop the chalupa
Drop the kids off at the pool.
Duke your Jim
Eat the egg
Empty the banana
Empty the pipes
Empty your gunbarrel
Erupt old faithful
Erupt the volcano
Exhaust the camel
Exorcise your demons
Extra long shower
Fake fuckin'
Favorite household activity
Feed the donkey
Feeding the chickens
Feel it up
Fiddle the ferret
Fight one-eyed Willy
Fight the one eyed purple warrior
Fight the one-eyed monster
Fight the purple helmet warrior
Fight with Tarzan
Fill up your belly-button
Fire out the hole
Fire the cannon
Fire the flesh musket
Fire the pistol
Fire the surgeon general
Firing a shot from the grassy knoll
Fist fucking
Fist rocket
Fist-humpin.
Fisting
Fisting your cock
Five against one
Five finger disco
Five finger shuffle
Five fingered widow
Five knuckle shuffle
Five on one
Five versus Willy
Five-fingered humpty hump love pump
Five-fingered wife
Fix the clogged drain
Flick your dick
Fling the pudding
Flog the Bishop
Flog the doggie
Flog the dolphin
Flog the dummy
Flog the hog
Flog the log
Flog the man
Flog the mule
Flog the one eyed gopher
Flog the ore
Flog the sailor
Flog your log
Flogging
Fly solo
Fondle the dolphin
Fondle the frankfurter
Fondle the sausage
Foreskin mambo
Frag your snag
Free the captive ninja
Free Willy
Freshen the air
Friction burn
Frighten the blue veined custard chucker
Fry the chicken
Fry the egg
Fuck the chicken
Fuck the udder
Fuck your cock
Fuck your fist
Fuck your hand
Fuck yourself
Fucking for one
Fucking mother thumb and her 4 daughters
Fumble your frank
Get a handle on things
Get a hold of yourself
Get off
Get some me time
Get sticky
Get the job done
Get to know yourself
Give the dog a bone
Give the dog a walk
Giving Kojak the third degree
Giving yourself a helping hand
Go and have a slap
Go at it
Go blind
Go down to the zipper mart to pick up a pound of pork
Go for a spoof
Go nut
Grab the gusto
Grab the handle
Grab the meat
Grapple the gorilla
Grease the Pole
Grease the rod
Grease the wheel
Great thoughts
Greet Mr. Happy
Greet the bishop
Greeting Madam Palm and her 5 lovely daughters
Grind the gopher
Grind the groundhog
Groom the Wookie
Ham shank
Hammer the lumber
Hammer the helmet head
Hand fuck
Hand happy
Hand hold
Hand humpin'
Hand jive
Hand sex
Hand shandy
Hand Start the Yogurt Shooter
Hand to Gland combat
Hand to gland combat
Hand, dick co-ordination
Handle the merchandise
Handy sandy
Handy Shandy
Hans Solo
Harass the milkman
Have a Barclays (Barclays Bank -- WANK - rhyming slang)
Have a chug
Have a frapp
Have a tug
Have a tug of war with Cyclops
Have a wank
Have fun
Have sex with someone you love
High-five Yule Brenner
Hip the hop
Hit the mitt
Hitch-hike to heaven
Hold the knob
Hold the man
Hold your baseball bat
Hold your sausage hostage
Home alone
Homework
Hone the bone
Hump the hand
Hump the Hebrew
Hump the knob
Hump the matress
Idle hands
Impregnate the air
Increase the surface temperature of the ship's primary cannon using rapid linear motion
Inside Slider with two balls
Interrogate the prisoner
Interrogate the witness
Introduce Mr. Penis to Mrss Palm and her five lovely daughters
Jack off
Jack the beanstock
Jack the frank
Jack yo mac
Jedi train in the bathroom
Jerk and clean
Jerk around
Jerk it
Jerk off
Jerk pud
Jerk the beef
Jerk the chain
Jerk the cum
Jerk the general
Jerk the Johnson
Jerk the monkey
Jerk the one-eyed snake
Jerk the pet
Jerk you shit
Jerk your chain
Jerk your gherkin
Jerkin' the gherkin
Jingle the Pringles
Jingle your bone
Jizsturbation
Jock the sock
Jog the joker
Josh one off
Juggle the balls
Jump the pogo stick
Just getting dressed
Just going up to the office to use the photocopier
Just gonna go lay down and take a nap...
Just gonna go take a bath...
Just need a little time with my e-mail, that's all...
Keepin' the mortar clean
Kill the gentleman
Kill the Mr. Tingley
Kneading the bread
Knob thumping
Knock one off
Knock one off
Knock the rock
Knuckle shuffle
Launch the hand shuttle
Launch the rocket
Lead pedro down the road of bulimia
Leak the lizard
Let Elvis leave the building
Let loose the juice
Lift your spirit
Lighting the Roman Candle
Liquidate inventory
Log off
Log the lumber
Lollygagging
Lope the mule
Lope the mule
Love yourself
Lube the tube
Lubricate the Lutheran
Magic your Johnson
Make a deposit
Make cream
Make friends with the lizard
Make instant icing
Make it spit
Make it useful
Make junior vomit
Make love to Miss Michigan
Make one on one love
Make one-eye cry
Make Peter puke
Make stomach pancakes
Make the bald guy puke
Make the bald guy puke
Make the Cyclops cry
Make the Cyclops fight the 5 headed monster
Make the Cyclops spit
Make the funny juice flow
Make the one eyed monster puke
Make the privates stand at attention, then fall in
Make the snake puke
Make your own hand lotion
Makin babies
Mangle the moose
Manipulate your manhood
Marry the moose
Massage my palm
Massage my stiff joint
Massage out the stiffness
Massage the salami
Massage the soul
Massage your balls
Massage your clovers
Meat off
Meat-Beat
Meet Mother Palm and her five daughters
Meet the neighbors
Meet the President
Milk it
Milk Murray
Milk the beef
Milk the cock
Milk the cow
Milk the goat
Milk the hose
Milk the lizard
Milk the Magnesia
Milk the Mickey
Milk the one eyed trouser snake
Milk the one-eyed snake
Milk the one-uttered cow
Milk your meat
Milk yourself
Molest the bystander
Money comes out
Monkey dance
Move the joystick
Mr. Happy and his five friends have a party.
Mrs. palmer and her 5 daughters
My Wife
Nuke the whale
Number 3
Oil the barber pole
Oil the barrel
Oil the Crank
Oil the noodle
One hand work out
One handed pole vault
One man and a hand
One man show
Our Gang Spanky Marathon
Paddling the pony
Paint Pontius Pilate's Palace
Paint the ceiling
Paint the wall
Palm loving
Pamela Handerson
Pan for white gold
Party for one
Pat the monkey
Pat the Robertson
Pay bills
Pay the pope
Peel the banana
Peel the carrot
Peeling chilies
Pet the bald eagle
Pet the donkey
Pet the ghurkin
Pet the one eyed monster
Pet the one eyed snake
Pet the one-eyed gopher
Pet the potato
Pet the snake
Pet the Willy
Pet your third leg
Pickle your peter
Pimp pump
Piston pushing
Play a solo on my private organ
Play ball with the boys
Play five on one
Play golf
Play peek-a-boo alone
Play pocket pool
Play skin Banjo
Play solitaire
Play the bag pipe
Play the meat pipe
Play the skin flute
Play tug of war with Cyclops
Play with Burt Reynolds mustache
Play with Fistina
Play with Fred
Play with lil' Elvis
Play with Mr. Panky
Play with myself
Play with Peter
Play with Pikachu
Play with Rosey Palm
Play with the pud
Play with the purple headed yogurt slinger
Play with Wally
Play with Willy the wonder worm
Play with your cock and balls
Play with yourself
Play your guitar
Play Zelda
Pluck the ducky
Pluck the mushroom
Pocket billiards
Pocket fishing
Pocket pool
Polish Lord Helmet
Polish the baton
Polish the bishop
Polish the candlestick
Polish the dolphin
Polish the helmet
Polish the knob
Polish the Ol' Torpedo
Polish the one eyed gopher
Polish the one eyed weasel
Polish the Papal Podium
Polish the pewter
Polish the piston
Polish the pope
Polish the shaft
Polish the silver
Polish the sword of happiness
Polish the torpedo
Polish your Oscar
Polish your pipe
Polish your rocket
Polish your whistle
Polishing the periscope
Pop the head
Pop the pistol
Pop the top off the Champaign bottle
Portuguese pump
Pound off
Pound the flounder
Pound the hammer
Pound the pony
Pound the pud
Powder your nose
Prime the pump handle
Prune the shroom
Pud pulling
Pud whacking
Puddin'
Pull a quickie
Pull and squirt
Pull dinky
Pull it
Pull it hard
Pull Nixon's nose
Pull off
Pull one off
Pull one out of the bag...
Pull pud
Pull Stretch Armstrong
Pull the chain
Pull the cord
Pull the dog's tail
Pull the fun lever
Pull the goalie
Pull the meat
Pull the noodle
Pull the pickle
Pull the pig
Pull the pipe
Pull the plowman
Pull the Polish pork
Pull the pork
Pull the turkey
Pull your plumb
Pull your pud
Pull your toy
Pull your wire
Pulling your Yankee Doodle
Pump
Pump jacks
Pump mini me
Pump sperm
Pump the balls
Pump the Pole
Pump the watergun
Pump your gun
Pump your pud
Pump'n the water rocket
Punch the clown
Punch the eclair
Punch the monkey
Punch the munchkin
Punish Percy in the palm
Punish the evil merchant
Puppy whacking
Pushing the envelope
Put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college
Putting Mayonnaise On The Garlic Bread
Ram the rod
Rattle the one eyed snake
Ream the one eyed semen demon
Release some steam
Release the hounds
Release the pressure
Release the valves
Relieve your sperm bank
Relieving a little tension
Relish up the hot dog
Remove the rust
Ricky Wrestling
Ride the big dipper
Ride The Dolphin
Ride the rod
Ride to heaven
Ring your cock
Rinse on
Rocketing
Rod yankin
Roll dice
Rolling the dough
Rope the mule
Rope your goat
Rough up the little man
Rough up the suspect
Row the boat
Rub a dub dub
Rub it silly
Rub one off
Rub one out
Rub the button
Rub the faucet
Rub the fireman's helmet
Rub the knob!
Rub the magic lamp
Rub the pipe
Rub the rhubarb
Rub the rod
Rub the sausage
Rub the tool
Rub your monkey
Rub your nub
Rubadubdub
Run off a batch
Salute the flag pole
Salute the general
Salute the scumlord
Sausage stroking
Say hello to Mr. Happy
Say hello to the colonel of love
Say hi to your monster
Scramble the sausage
Scrub the deck
Self deflation
Self diddle
Self fuck
Self fucking
Self gratification
Self indulgence
Self motivation
Self service
Self sex
Self-satisfaction
Self-suck
Sex with da hands
Sex with Simon
Shag your shank
Shag-yer-self
Shake hands w/the unemployed
Shake hands with a pole
Shake hands with Abraham Lincoln
Shake hands with Ben Franklin
Shake hands with Elvis
Shake hands with Mr Peeper
Shake hands with the ambassador of love
Shake hands with the devil
Shake hands with the governor
Shake hands with the one eyed milk man
Shake hands with the president
Shake hands with the sheriff
Shake hands with the unemployed
Shake hands with the wife's wedding present
Shake hot, white coconuts from the veiny love tree
Shake it
Shake my finger
Shake off
Shake the bottle
Shake the goo off
Shake the grapes
Shake the old man
Shake the pepperpot
Shake the snake
Shake the snake
Shake with the tall guy
Shake your fist angrily at your ex-girlfriend
Shake your martini
Shakin' the bacon
Shaking hand with Colonel Sanders
Shampoo the carpet
Shampoo the moose
Sharpen the pencil
Shift with the manual transmission
Shine the bishop
Shine the car
Shine the helmet
Shine the pole
Shine the spear
Shine the telescope
Shine the wood
Shine your salami
Shock the monkey
Shoot for pearls
Shoot hoops
Shoot old yeller
Shoot putty at the moon
Shoot putty at the moon
Shoot the gun
Shoot the plane
Short-arm stroking
Shroom pullin'
Shuck the corn cob
Shuck the cornstalk
Sin dirty with thy self
Siphon the python
Skin the sarge
Skin the sausage
Skin your frank
Slam the ham
Slam the stick
Slap little Johnny behind the German helmet
Slap spanky
Slap the bishop
Slap the carrot
Slap the dick
Slap the dummy
Slap the ham
Slap the salami
Slap the salmon
Slap the sausage
Slap the stick
Slap you cock
Slay the dragon
Slick the stick
Slime the salamy
slippery
slippin' salami
slipping
Slobbin' the Milosevich
Smack
Smack baldy on the head
Smack my pud
Smack off
Smack the burrito
Smack the salami
Smack your monkey
Smelly jelly making
Smoke the turkey
Sneak a wink at wiggly
Sock the cock
Solo serve
Spank frank
Spank frank
Spank it
Spank it
Spank Milo
Spank off
Spank one
Spank that ass
Spank the chicken
Spank the dolphin
Spank the hotdog
Spank the money
Spank the monkey
Spank the old lady
Spank the pup
Spank the sausage
Spank the Spam
Spank your love life
Spank your monkey
Spank your pud
Spanktervision
Spanky's Revenge
Speed shifting
Spend time with an old friend
Spewin' a white one
Spill milk
Spin the dreidel
Spit da' sperm
Spit shine the knob
Splish Splah
Sploshing
Sporting the tent
Spraying the belly with sticky white love-piss
Spunk the monkey
Spunk up
Squeeze a few rounds off on the pump action shotgun
Squeeze cheese
Squeeze off a load
Squeeze one off
Squeeze the big guy
Squeeze the Charmin
Squeeze the Cyclops
Squeeze the duck's head
Squeeze the juice out the head
Squeeze the lemon
Squeeze the sausage
Squeeze the squid
Squeeze the tomato
Squeeze the Twinkie
Squeeze you lizard
Squirt the Bert
Squish the squid
Stain the mitt
Start the engine
Start the lawnmower
Stick it
Stick shifting
Stock
Stoke the Strokin' stack
Strangle the bishop
Strangle the one-eyed trouser snake
Strangle the snake
Strangle the snake
Strangle the warrior
Stress reliever
Stretch it
Stretch one out
Stretch the salami
Stretching the truth
Strike oil
Strip the bark
Stroke
Stroke it
Stroke off
Stroke that big thing
Stroke the chicken
Stroke the choad
Stroke the cock
stroke the crank
Stroke the ding-dong
Stroke the dolphin
Stroke the donkey
Stroke the longhorn
Stroke the manroot
Stroke the monkey
Stroke the mushroom
Stroke the oar
stroke the one-eyed snake
Stroke the poke
Stroke the puppy
Stroke the salami
Stroke the salami
Stroke the schlong
Stroke the shaft
Stroke the slug
Stroke the Snake
Stroke the stick
Stroke the strudel
Stroke the stump
Stroke the weasel
Stroke the yoke
Stroke your cock
Stroking the dog
Stroking the fireman
Stroking the flagpole
Struggle for life
Strum the drum
Strum your guitar
Summon the jizz
Swat off
Swing the balls
Swing the thing
Tackling the totem
Take a load off
Take a ride on the slip n' slide
Take a squirt
Take batting practice
Take Capt Solo on the Kessel Run
Take Captain Picard to Warp Speed
Take care of a big problem
Take care of business
Take matters in hand
Take the edge off
Take the sausage hostage
Take your banana boat to tuna town
Tame the beast
Tame the one eyed spitting snake
Tame the shrew
Tame the vein
Taming the purple headed warrior
Tantalizing your toboggan
Tap a teste
Teach the dog a lesson
Teach the monkey
Tease the weasel
Tease to please
Teasing one out
Tenderize the meat
Tenderize the pork
Tenderize the steak
Test the probe
Test the purple headed yogurt thrower
Thawing the meat
The gentle handshake
The ol' 5 against 1
The penis pull
The right hand maneuver
The sofa
The twist
Thelma Thumb and her four sisters
Think of your mom
Thump the stump
Thumping the stump
Tickle the angus
Tickle the meat curtains
Tickle the peter
Tickle the pickle
Tickle the tentacle
Tickle the tiger
Tip the hat
Tommy Tank
Toot the horn
Torture little Timmy
Torture the monkey
Toss off
Toss the salad
Touch the toucher
Touch yourself
Train the chicken
Train the purple-headed warrior
Tug the handle
Tug the tassel
Tug the turkey
Tug your rope
Tugging the boat
Tug-O-War With Cyclops
Turn Japanese
Tweak your tool.
Twiddle the bone flute
Ugly Man Sex
Unisex
Unleashing
Unload your gun
Unsheathe the meat sword
Up and down
Use the joystick
Vex the vicar
Vice grip
Virgin Love
Visit the petting zoo
Vote Republican
Wag it
Wag the dog
Walk the dog
Wang chungin
Wang off
Wank
Wank and crank
Wank it
Wank off
Wank the monkey
Wank the pud
Wank the sock
Wank the wanker
Wank the willy
Wank your shank
Wankin and spankin
Wanky panky
Wash the Buick
Wash the rod
Watch some pooh
Wax the Bat
Wax the bishop
Wax the carrot
Wax the chrome
Wax the dolphin
Wax the flagpole
Wax the frog
Wax the ol' Torpedo
Wax the pole
Wax the weasel
Wax the willie
Wax the Winnebago
Weenie whacking
Wet the whistle
Whack it
Whack jack
Whack off
Whack off like a red-headed stepchild
Whack the Chalupa
Whack the pole
Whack the pud
Whack the rod
Whack the weasel
Whack the wizard
Whack the wood
Whack your wack
Whackin winky
Whacking it
Wham the bone
Wheel it
Whip it
Whip pud
Whip the noodle
Whip the weenie
Whip up some baby batter.
Whippin' cream
Whipping' it good
Whipping the skippy
White Water Wristing
White water wristing
Whittle the wood
Whoop the mule
Whoop your pudd
Wind up the cock clock
Wind your sun dial
Windsurf on Mt. Baldy
Withdraw from the spankbank
Work out the third leg
Workin' it
Working the wiligger
Wrestle the bald head champion
Wrestle the champ
Wrestle the turkey
Wrestle with Jimmy
Wrestle with the one eyed champ
Wrestle with the one-eyed monster
Wrestle with the one-eyed-trouser snake
Yank off
Yank the chain
Yank the crank
Yank the dog
Yank the plank
Yank the sausage
Yank the Yankee
Yankie the Wankie
Yolk the egg
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