THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HER 8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses 8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday 8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner 9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil 10.00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer 11.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry 12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe 12.45 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 7kg 1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit 3.00 Nap 4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer 4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body 5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror 7.30 Candle lit dinner with champagne for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers 10.00 Hot shower (alone) 10:50 Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen) 11.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling 11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM 6.00 Alarm 6.15 Blow job 6.30 Massive satisfying shit while reading the sports section 7.00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked buxom wench 7.30 Limousine arrives 7.45 Several Whiskeys en-route to airport 9.15 Flight in personal Lear Jet 9.30 Limousine to Riverside Oaks Golf Club (blow job en-route) 9.45 Play front nine (2 under) 11.45 Lunch: Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon 12.15 Blow job 12.30 Play back nine (4 under) 2.15 Limousine back to the airport (several whiskeys) 2.30 Fly to Monte Carlo 3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew (all nude) 4.30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle 5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked supermodel 6.45 Shit, Shower and Shave 7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; marijuana and porn legalised 7.30 Dinner: lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by Ice-cream served on a pair of tits 9.00 Napoleon Brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of wall size TV as you watch international match of the day; Australia beating England 9.30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies) 11.00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snack and a cleansing ale 11.30 A night cap blow job 11.45 In bed alone 11.50 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
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