A Woman's Dictionary
Airhead	What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Argument	A discussion that occurs when you're right but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Balance the checkbook	To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire".
Bar-be-que	You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat, cleaned everything up, but he "made the dinner".
Blonde jokes	Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe	Gotta get married in a church.
Childbirth	You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, "Focus...breath...push...Good Girl!"
Diet Soda	A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a pound of M&M chocolate covered peanuts.
Eternity	The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise	To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Hair Dresser	Someone, who is able to create a style, you will never be able to duplicate again. See also "Magician".
Lipstick	On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear.
Valentine's Day	A day ,when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
Waterproof Mascara	Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Zillion	The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself anyway